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Wilbur Photo

The author, pictured at the Wilbur Monument, near Autoclave, Vt., 1991. The Monument honors thousands of Wilburs from across America who gave their lives for their country. Most died in skating accidents.

The Mateo J. Burtch Chewable Item Research Center

Hullo! Chester Buttertongs III here, and I'm just rully, rully delighted to be able to introduce you to our pages! We've got a rully smashing show for you, featuring performances by singer Janet LaFroid, the Lapland National Citrus Orchestra, some live Canadians, and a man who claims to be able to singe himself at will.

Ted, how about telling the audience about some of the great prizes we have?

Right you are, Chester! Well, besides the Giant Rotating-Head Vinyl Elvis, packed with over thirty-two pounds of Chef Slummin's Mighty Pork o' Jesus Flakes, each contestant will take home a personalized set of exploding fruits and vegetables from Nitro Farms of Pout, Indiana!

But that's not all!

Here's just a few of the things that they'll find on these pages:

The Mateo Burtch Experience, Baby!

A short personal history that will put to rest the ugly rumors that my drawings all look the way they do because I was born with walrus flippers in place of hands. I was not. I received the flippers as a gift at the age of five.

Knife Up the

Click on the this photo
from the movie Chinatown
to go. . . .

Click here to see the Nuclear Flatworms, Inc. Corporate Pledges!

(c) Mateo Burtch. Feel free to forward URLs or make links to these pages, but please don't duplicate anything on this site w/o permission. Thanks.